William Sharp: Evil (18th century)

"…never in sufficient numbers to succeed, thank heavens."

A promising dispatch from the front lines of The War On Decency reports an apparent sharp decline in the ready availability of additional EvilPeople to populate the ranks of the administration uninterested in administering anything’s many anti-Decency programs. Reports indicate that hiring and performance bonuses have proven inadequate to attract sufficient numbers of eager candidates. Further, a reassuring swell in voluntary resignations has only added to MAGA’s staffing problems. It seems that officials grossly overestimated the number of Americans who would voluntarily stand against their fellow citizens. This shortage was reportedly the deciding factor behind our incumbent ordering National Guard troops to be mobilized into our cities. Adequate numbers of volunteers refused the assignment. Now, though, with courts refusing to permit our incumbent from deploying the National Guard against citizens, the whole movement seems increasingly imperiled.

Their naive belief that we would not prove to be Decent people under pressure has apparently bitten them in their collective ass. Initiative after initiative has crumbled quickly after initiation, given the inability to muster sufficient numbers of cynical, evil people to carry out the inevitably indecent and illegal orders. One cannot carry out a successful insurgency employing those acquainted with Decency. It’s proven impossible to see innocent parties as guilty and to manhandle families into the backs of unmarked vans if Decent hands raised you. Not even those deprived of family relationships in their childhood were immune to the influence of caring teachers and friends. It was a shockingly tiny minority who failed to be influenced by Decency, and not even all of those would agree to engage in active warfare against those who were so influenced. Very few grew up to hold an adequate grudge against Decency that they would agree to help eradicate it from our society.

Some who enlisted early learned that they couldn’t participate in their assignments. Others enrolled under false pretenses, believing that they would be deployed against hardened criminals, only to realize that they were always mustered against innocent families. Detaining a five-year-old with cancer proved to be a greater personal challenge than trying to capture an international terrorist. Even a thug has to find ways to live with themself after. Further, there are some things—many things, actually—for which money can never adequately compensate. It’s one thing to get filth under your fingernails and quite another to get it under your soul.

Furthermore, the MAGA plans failed to anticipate the need for a moderate approach to succeed. They were extreme and presumed they would be confronting snowflakes instead of satirists and comedians. Most conflicts were, literally, no contest.

It’s probably too early to confidently predict this movement’s early demise. Its leaders exhibit many of the tells that they are clueless. They fail to acknowledge that their approach was wrong-headed and could never have succeeded. Their enlightenment will likely require much more humiliation before it’s secured. Several seem unlikely ever to experience enlightenment, for they seem too overly invested in the dark side ever to find value in any other side. Even when clearly defeated, their kind will continue to harass around the perimeters of Decency, for they know no other way and have dedicated themselves. EvilPeople tend to be insistent, especially whenever encountering anything Decent. Still, the signs seem clear. We have far too few EvilPeople for the War on Decency to continue far beyond the end of this year.

I see some clear signs that what started as an unprovoked assault forcing Decency into stunned defensive positions has begun turning into a series of offensives that should leave the MAGAs stunned and discouraged. They might well lose their curiously charismatic leader, leaving them without a chief hypnotizer. The cabinet will surely start bleeding members as they discover they will never successfully loot the treasury. Those who were always only in it for the money will take their blankees home without too much of a fuss. A few will require more forceful discouragement. They were all, always, only cowards, and never in sufficient numbers to succeed, thank heavens.

©2025 by David A. Schmaltz - all rights reserved

Tags: #Decency, #PureSchmaltz