David Vinckboons: Distribution of Loaves to the Poor (first half of 17th century)
"I suspect that most of us could use some practice."

It might be a law of the universe that for every thanks given, one must be received, and while on Thanksgiving Day, one might sincerely offer many thanks, few ever mention the target receivers of these thanks. In this culture, most of us receive instruction in the practice of ThanksGiving, which seems a central tenet of human decency here, few receive much training in the congruent reception of those thanks. Was it Jesus who insisted that it's better to give than receive? We might have taken that directive a little too close to heart, for it's certainly not, then, damning to receive rather than to give, though many of us seem to respond to an act of giving as if it was somehow shameful to receive. We might blush and find ourselves suddenly tongue-tied, and simply nod as if to dismiss this backend of the ritual. A giver, appreciated for providing, might even catch himself mumbling, "It was nothing," thereby boogering up an otherwise uplifting exchange. But where to go to receive this essential training in ThanksReceiving?

This practice might belong to that class of practices one can only ever teach them self. Role models might offer distantly observed assistance, but gaining some level of comfort in receiving might necessarily become a life-long learning. The naturally arrogant, of course, never even think of blushing when receiving, for they might genuinely believe that they were owed whatever they received, but this response seems somewhat less than fully congruent. The more self-effacing might just as naturally believe that they were never really deserving and attempt to deflect fully acknowledging receipt. Somewhere in between these two responses lies the more balanced and balancing ones, those which neither presume prior qualification nor downplay intended significance. Finding and inhabiting that space remains a struggle for me. I'm the sort most likely to offer a heartfelt, "Aw, shucks," and feel genuine embarrassment when receiving. I seem more naturally gifted at giving.

I suppose that I really want to avoid going all gushy about receiving. I rarely feel deserving, and most probably for good reason, so when another acknowledges my contribution, I first feel at a loss. There are parables up the ying yang about pretty much everything but receiving. A parable about receiving should properly co-opt any idea that it's closely related to deserving, for there need not be any correlation. When someone deigns to give, I suspect, that impulse says much more about them and, perhaps, their presumptions than it ever says about anyone deserving. Perhaps their thanks represents a repayment for a gift I was unaware I'd given. It might have even been a back-handed attempt to garner favor, a cloaked beg to receive something similar in return. Thank You! No, Thank You! No, really, Thank You. Ad infinitum. Motive matters no more than deserving ever does, and probably less.

I suspect that receiving represents an invitation to step down and in, an opportunity to practice a touch of humility without feeling an ounce of humiliation. Whether deserved or not, even if not understood, one might in that moment reflect on how another experiences this world. I might wonder deep down inside me what my benefactor thought they saw in me or my activity that sparked their gratitude toward me, but I dare not doubt that they saw something. I dare not deflect even the obviously undeserved gift, for I am not privy to their experiences except by acceptance of their gratitude. Whatever the gift, it represents a piece of them freely given, and I suppose that I owe them a little something in return: humble acceptance, for it's never about deserving, not really. It's about preserving something otherwise unacknowledged. We're human. We're present here together. We perhaps deserve nothing we ever receive. We invite another into ourselves when we acknowledge their thanks and they accept that invitation when they recognize its receipt.

I'm practicing ThanksReceiving this Thanksgiving. I invite you to join me. I suspect that most of us could use some practice. Thank you!

©2020 by David A. Schmaltz - all rights reserved

Tags: #WhatNext, #PureSchmaltz