"I pray that no one will take me very seriously."

I consider myself to be at root a ninny, and not a particularly apologetic one, neither. As the ninny I consider myself to be, I fail to fully qualify as a coward, for I am known to stand up and be counted on some occasions, but I hold few strong convictions. I keep a low-ish profile. If you want to pass me, be my guest. I'll even slow down to make it easier for you. If you want to take advantage of me, I'm wide open. Not naturally suspicious of my fellows, I'd rather anticipate the best than the worst of everyone. I prefer avoiding competitive games, and not just because I hate to lose, but because I hate to see anyone lose. Winning zero sum games offends me, even when I win.

I figure that there's not really any leverage in being pushy or shove-y. Better approaches exist. Can't we just get along? You can take your bullhorn and shove it. I'm uninterested in discord. I tend to disappear whenever it shows up. Angry? Take it outside, please. Consequently, I suppose I tend to be somewhat of a pleaser. I'm generally more interested in you being happy than in feeling happy myself. I think of myself as having broad shoulders. If the competition turns cut-throat, I will more likely cut my own throat before trying to become the last man standing. I'd rather you win.

I'm humble, perhaps to a fault. I frequently fail to stand up for my own best interests. I'm a near master at deferring my needs, which I consider to be few and modest. I avoid sales events and chili cook-offs, and festivals of any kind, if only to avoid adding to the traffic tangles there. When I spot a crowd, I turn the other way. I prefer to sneak in and out the back door. I'm not natively personable; not grumpy, but also definitely not chirpy. I never giggle uncontrollably. I keep my own council.

I believe that the ninny has long taken a bad rap. If the meek are, indeed, slated to inherit this earth, I'm on point to become your landlord one day. Don't worry, I won't lord my authority over you. I might be incapable of ever being an asshole to anyone. I consider myself to be reasonably cheerful without ever stepping over the line to become boisterous. I do not tell dirty jokes. I only rarely ever tell jokes at all, and not just because I almost always screw up the punch line. I am fully capable of sarcasm, a probable defense mechanism I employ to deflect deeper critiques. I arrive a little early, never late. I've shown myself more than willing to sacrifice. No, I will not join your club.

I'm the most likely to cave when the conversation turns contentious. I despise being told what to do and hate being told how to do anything. When a machine breaks, I set it aside for further consideration in lieu of just throwing it away or, heaven forbid, attempting to fail to fix it (again). I leave small footprints. I believe that humans are basically benevolent and that all machines are by nature malevolent toward all human life. When I cannot remember my password, I utterly surrender. Yes, I might whine my way out the door, but my basic defense continues to be to work harder to try to talk myself out of continuing to need whatever just rejected me.

I think that being a millionaire might be the worst possible outcome. I never learned how to make money feel motivating to me. I consider capitalism a cruel joke on par with communism, but then everything with an -ism suffix seems to me to work the same way. I am not cynical and refuse to become a cynic. I'm hopeful, if subdued. I'm more of a stagehand than a headliner. I don't deserve much fuss. I'm nothing special. I hope no one will follow me. I pray that no one will take me very seriously. I'd much prefer to back you up than lead you through. I consider myself to be at root, a ninny.

©2018 by David A. Schmaltz - all rights reserved

Tags: #CluelessSummer, #PureSchmaltz