Rendered Fat Content


"All things considered, I'd rather ride the bus."

I'm old-fashioned in the way that thirties black and white films are old fashioned, unselfconsciously. I do not paint my deck while wearing a suit, tie, and broad-brimmed fedora, though I do have a deck, something almost nobody had in the thirties. I'm also familiar with more modern scientific concepts. I no longer smoke. I never could dance, but I never couldn't enviously eye Fred Astaire's smooth moves. I suspect any store larger than a mom and pop shop. I despise freeways. I don't believe in microwaves. I prefer black and white photography, including films. Current movies and music baffle me. I still listen to old radio serials on Sunday nights and hot thirties jazz on Saturday nights, finding them preferable and far superior to anything of more recent vintage, with the occasional exception of baseball.

I read a lot, something of a lost art after alternative medias elbowed their way into the arena. I'd really rather stay in an old hotel, with the bathroom down the hall, than in another anonymous Marriott.
I love train travel. Early Twentieth Century architecture fascinates me. I don't see the need for light beer, frozen waffles, or energy drinks. I consider most of the stuff stocked in modern grocery stores to be wholly unnecessary ripoff wannabes of real nourishment. I'm attracted to diners and dives. I dress up when I go out. I am not so secretly appalled when I see someone strolling around a mall in their pajama bottoms. I avoid malls.

I'm suspicious of plastic. I never could wear Nikes. I firmly believe that clothes should not have a designer's logo stitched on the pocket. I believe in pockets. I frequent a haberdasher. I'm unashamed to be spotted wearing a fedora and an overcoat. I will never understand the attraction of pre-washed jeans. I do not subscribe to old-time religion or the new-time kind, either. I'm a deist, like The Founders were. I deeply suspect all salespeople, chefs, and authority figures. I carry a notebook in my hip pocket and never leave home without at least one pen with which to write in my notebook. I obey traffic signs without feeling cheated of any freedom. I think guns are unnecessary vanities.

I can iron the wrinkles out of anything. I wash, fold, and put away my own laundry except for when The Muse beats me to it, though she rarely does. I can whip up a decent supper out of nearly nothing. I keep the larder properly stocked. I know where to go to get the best produce and am on familiar terms with the guy who drives across the state twice a week to ferry back the very best of the very best. I know a shoe repair guy who just might be the happiest man alive. I avoid the latest and greatest of everything, believing that better was most likely discovered a very long time ago. I try to avoid buying anything I see advertised. I will not eat crappy bread. I have fifteen year old shoes that still look brand new. I prefer to patch rather than buy new. I tend to drive most places via secret passages, two-lane roads most would consider routes rarely taken, and then, only under duress. All things considered, I'd rather ride the bus.

©2018 by David A. Schmaltz - all rights reserved

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