I am rarely impatient,
only intermittently rushed,
which renders me a throwback;
an alien on this bus.
I stalk the slowly-roasted,
I savor the leisurely-aged,
and I restrict my microwaving
to cell phoning, not my plates.

We live in The Age of Instancy,
with little time to spare,
just as hungry as we ever were,
and the holidays ’re drawing near.
We can order McTurkey for supper,
squirt whipped creme from a can,
and buy a brand new baby Jesus
on The Handy® payment plan.

The quality of our mercy
can be certified in the lab,
Google can stream our saving grace,
while picking up the tab.
Love now comes pre-packaged,
shrink-wrapped, microwave safe;
and serenity’s on special,
available by the case.

Instant Christmas Trees will rise
while heaven and nature sings
individually portion-packed carols;
the new nostalgia rings!
We’ll rule the world
... while saving space ...
and making the nations approve
the gl-o-o-o-o-o-ry o-o-of
our righteousness,
never wondering if that’s love.

Someday soon, I’m certain,
we’ll learn of God’s great plan
to offer us salvation
in convenient twelve ounce cans.
Instant joy and laughter
should stave off every fear,
Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men,
no payments ‘til New Years.

If a silent night’s a holy night,
an instant holiday’s king;
to wait: a sin, to want: the end
of whatever angels bring.
Just point me at the push-button,
help me aim the can,
while I proclaim a fresher,
... cheaper,
... lighter,
... instancy-improved,
... even
before, ...
newer-born’s reign,
from a Mall-side particleboard stand.

Merry Instant Christmas

©2012 by David A. Schmaltz - all rights reserved

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