Adolph Menzel: The End (19th century)

Failing to Find What I Sought
The Muse and I think of ourselves as avid foragers, though we only forage for a few items, and we don't always manage to find what we're seeking. Last August, we headed up into our usual hunting grounds seeking Wenaha Black Currants, a local variation of the most popular fruit in Europe. We lagged the season, the bushes already barren after a hotter-than-usual July. Better luck next year, we said, and moved on to take the long way home. Along the way, we stumbled upon an enormous huckleberry patch, which we proceeded to enthusiastically raid. The Muse garnished desserts this week with leftover frozen huckleberries from that fortunate accident. (She's assured me that she tagged that secret patch so we can revisit it later this summer.)

This week, I toodled up into the wilderness again, this time searching for the sometimes elusive Morel, a pine cone-shaped mushroom much prized by the natives. The Muse and I made a Morel run a couple of weekends ago, but concluded it was still too early in the season. Our prolonged Spring had left snow well into May at altitude. We decided to return after a decent rain. We saw rain last weekend, so I figured the timing might be perfect. The Muse was otherwise occupied, so I soloed this trip. I found snow drifts and the usual Spring flowers and plants, but the forest floor was extremely dry. No Morels were evident, not even remnants the deer often leave after nipping off their tops. I took a long way home, reveling in driving through meadows lush from spring runoff-overflowing streams. A red-headed woodpecker performed an impressive percussion solo as I sat on a rotting log. I might not have returned with Morels, but I returned wealthier than I'd been when I left.

Seeking was never not risky. The Gods, or somebody, determines success much more than skill, knowledge, or experience ever does. One can count themselves fortunate in the way they'd planned or lucky in some other, unintended way. Either way, foraging might always prove successful if I don't insist on getting precisely my way. It's really something when, at the end of another foraging day, I recognize that I've discovered something I had no intention of discovering. Disappointment comes from failing to appreciate the emerging purpose, not from failing to find what I sought.

——

Weekly Writing Summary

This CHope Story, Aftering, finds me envisioning a more satisfying future.

Edgar Degas: After the Bath III (1891–92)
"I'll be actively Aftering until this nightmare's over."
—
This CHope Story describes one of my primary coping and hoping mechanisms, gardening, specifically, the Thinning and pruning that true nurturing entails.

Jacques Callot: Gardener Pruning a Shrub (17th century)
"My garden tolerates my well-intended presence."
—
This CHope Story, Twenty-Three, finds me reminiscing about a time seemingly forever out of time's regular flow. We sometimes dabble in the forever after.

Willem Claesz. Heda: Still Life with a Gilt Cup (1635) Gallery Comments: The range of grey tonalities that Willem Heda could paint is astounding. With this subtle palette, he deftly rendered the objects – of pewter, silver, damask, glass and mother-of-pearl – on this table. A few yellow and ochre accents compliment this refined interplay of colours. Heda specialized in near monochromatic still lifes, so-called ‘tonal banquet pieces’.
" … to revel in what randomly colliding atoms can sometimes produce."
—
This CHope Story recounts how The Muse and I spent a part of our MemorialDay, remembering blemishes and all, to sanctify our dearly departeds.

John J. A. Murphy: Memories (20th century)
"We left feeling more connected …"
—
This CHope Story discloses my primary coping method: Alonely. I rarely feel lonely and frequently find myself alone.

Figure 1: Charles Howard Hodges: Portret van een onbekende man, het hoofd niet getekend Portrait of an unknown man, the head not drawn (1774 - 1837)
Figure 2: Charles Howard Hodges: Portret van onbekende heer Portrait of unknown gentleman (1774 - 1837)
"I remain a hale enough fellow, best met by myself …"
—
This CHope Story, Systemantics2, celebrates the nature of infinitely complex systems. The ignorance of anyone attempting to change systems remains our best defense against such change and leaves me feeling hopeful about our future.

Ben Shahn: Untitled [Borobudur, Java] (January 26, 1960-February 2, 1960)
"Woe be to anybody believing they know better than even the simplest system, for they are the most easily fooled."
—
On last week's Friday Zoom Chat, one of the regulars suggested that I might gain some mileage by focusing more on an alluring future rather than a disappointing present. I took his suggestion into this writing week, where I found some traction. I had grown weary of finding reassurance by identifying blatant stupidity. My hopefulness had grown to depend upon endless inanities. Although our incumbent appears to be ideally suited to provide precisely this sort of raw material, rehashing already hashed-out material was proving less than totally satisfying. A colleague in Vienna suggested I should be careful with my Aftering. I realized that she had been living in close proximity to our new reality all of her very successful life. I have much to learn about how to live with overt oppression from people like her. I worked hard to focus my attention and my writing on more satisfying material, like my efforts at thinning my apricot tree's production before it starts losing limbs to its fecundity. The Muse and my wedding anniversary came this week, and with it, an old and indescribably dear friend came visiting. He had been here when, and there he was back here again, Twenty-Three years later. MemorialDay provided a helpful distraction back in to things that actually matter. Family stories serve as the backbone to everything I'll ever become. I confessed to feeling Alonely, as distinct from feeling lonely or necessarily alone. I ended my writing week backsliding into analyzing idiocy again, celebrating how our complex system of government seems designed to foil those intent upon undermining it. Thank you for following along!

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Tags: #CHope , #PureSchmaltz